


oh anxiety

by totallynotsane



Category: Banana Bus Squad
Genre: Anxiety, M/M, anxious delirious, autistic delirious, implied but, lapslock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-10
Updated: 2018-01-10
Packaged: 2019-03-03 01:09:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13330284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/totallynotsane/pseuds/totallynotsane
Summary: life is good for him right now, hell, hes been feeling better than he has in years! but the feeling is there and doesnt agree with him.





	oh anxiety

theres a feeling in his chest and he cant explain it

he knows what it is but he doesnt know why its there. life is good for him right now, hell, hes been feeling better than he has in years! but the feeling is there and doesnt agree with him. 

what was wrong? hes finacinaly stable again and has loving boyfriends, all of them careing about him dearly. what is wrong? his channel is growing larger and his fans love him. 

what is right? he could go bankrupt at one wrong move and his boyfriends could break up with him any moment. what is right? his channel growth is slowing and he gets hate comments every minute. 

jonathans breath hitches at those thoughts. come on, try and be positive, think of the boys’ protective arms around. 

think when he made lui cry and everyone yelled at him til he was crying as well. 

stop stop stop, it to much to handle. maybe he could get one of the boys to keep him calm. 

maybe some of the boys hate him though. 

jonathan trys to ignore that thought as he stands up from his half fetal position on the bed. quickly, he walked to the door, hoping to find someone in the living room. 

jonathan was glad to find he was right about someone being in the living room, luke, ryan and tyler all wrapped up in each others arms. 

maybe he shouldnt annoy them, he does enough of that already. but before he can leave to head to the kitchen, ryan asked him “hey jonny, how are you?”

jonathans not sure how to respond. 

how was he? he wasnt focusing on his emotions. he was to wrapped up in his anxiety to actualy pay attention to them. 

he felt tired, like he had run a maraton even though he hadnt left his bed all day. he felt angry, angry at his own brain for putting him through this. he felt sad, sad like he had seen his childhood dog die in front of him again. 

jonathan was to busy trying to think of what to say to notice luke standing up from his position under ryan, to come and pull jonathan into a hug. jonathan flinched at first, not expecting the affectionate action before hugging luke as well, pulling him so close you would assume he was trying to make them become the same person. 

jonathans not surpriseed luke was the first to pick up on his mood. they had known eachother for over twenty years after all, its hard for them not to immediately know if the other is having a bad day. 

“you wanna’ stay out here with ryan and tyler or do you want to go back to your room?” luke asked, not yet knowing what jonathan would prefer, assumed it would be better if the smaller made the decision himself. 

“i wanna’ stay out here. that room gets boring after a while.” jonathan mumble into the tallers chest. luke pulls away from the hug, making sure to keep his arm over jonathans frame to lead him over to the couch. he only lets go when tyler pats his thighs as a way to coax jon onto them. 

just after jonathan sits on tylers lap, ryan stand up so luke can get back under him. luke sits, greatful that ryan is fine with affection at that moment when he begin to pulls jon into a side hug. 

“you want to talk about it, or just chill like this?” tyler asked as he wrapped his long arms around the smallest boys frame.

“can we just...hang out like this?” jonathan asked, not wanting to confront his anxieties head on until he was full prepared for it. the trio behind him nodded as jonathan looked back at them. 

jonathan wanted to rock back and forth, but with both ryan and tyler holding him, he decided he would be fine with just rubbing his jeans with his left hand. 

jonathan closed his eye as he hummed in contentment. thought he struggled from time to time, he knew all his lovers would support him throughout thick and thin.


End file.
